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Through Her Eyes - Chapter Thirteen

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Through Her Eyes

Chapter Thirteen

Lavellan sat in her bathtub, knees pulled to her chest and arms wrapped around them as Krem bathed her. Dorian was trying to fix her apartment, salvaging whatever could be saved, and searched for clues as to what had caused her to become like this. She had said little to nothing since they found her, but was compliant enough with allowing Krem to clean her and her wounds.

“You gave the wall a good beatin’, Lana,” Krem said, frowning at her back. He tried to keep his voice light, attempted to brighten the mood, but Lavellan was still not responsive. Her eyes remained unfocused, staring at nothing. Once in a while she did nod, but nothing else. He tried asking Lavellan what happened, why she did this, but every time she only shut herself out more. Now, all he did was talk, trying to at least keep her interested. He took the small shifts of her shoulders and when either her ears or lips twitched as her acknowledging him. It was enough for now. She was still here. Dorian sounded a low whistle from the door, getting Krem’s attention. Dorian held up the dream journal she had carried around for the past couple of months, frowning.

“I’ll be right back, Ellana,” Krem said, pushing himself up from the floor and following Dorian further into her room. 

“A dream did this to her?” Krem whispered, taking the journal from Dorian and shifting through it.

“It’s the only conclusion I can come up with,” Dorian sighed, motioning towards the broken phone on her bed. “She broke her phone, beyond repair. That’s why we haven’t been able to reach her.” 

Krem furrowed his brows as he read through the last dream entry. The first couple of pages were unremarkable, written just like the other dreams. Then, the writing changed, turning progressively more agitated and illegible until it eventually became obscured under angry, black lines and vicious squiggles, covering entire pages, before finally giving way to torn and ripped pages. The back cover of the journal hung limp and useless in its near-empty binding.

“We won’t be much help to her if this was caused by a dream,” Dorian stated as Krem shut the journal. “We need to call Solas.” 

Krem chewed on his lip, looking back down at the battered journal. Dorian wasn’t wrong, neither of them knew anything about the dreams – at least not to the extent Solas did. They always waved Lavellan off, picked fun at her fantasies. Now, they couldn’t help her because of it. A lump settled in his throat at the thought, but Krem forced himself to swallow it down. With a sigh, he handed the journal back to Dorian, walking over to a pile of clothes thrown about in the room and finding an untorn shirt.

“Call him… hopefully he’ll come.”

“I won’t give him another option,” Dorian nodded, pulling out his own phone and walking back into the living room. Krem searched Lavellan’s room for undergarments and pants, heading back into the bathroom when he found them. He entered carefully, worried he might scare the elf.

Lavellan hadn’t moved. She was in the water, where he had left her; her shoulders were still slumped, head dipped down and eyes unfocused.

* * * 

Solas scratched his scalp, frowning as he shifted through his emails. More request denials, more questions, more disappointment. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. He had no choice – he needed to call Leliana now. There was no way Josephine would be able to get him exactly what he needed anymore – not by her means, at least. He shut his laptop and stood up, picking his phone up off his desk as he walked out of the office and towards the kitchen in the front. He had clung to his phone since the night he confessed to Lavellan, waiting and hoping that she would contact him in some way. He had tried everything, had called and texted her since his confession, but had heard nothing back. He didn’t know why, didn’t understand these feelings of dread, anger and sadness. What he did feel, however, was that something was horribly wrong. He had called Varric yesterday, asking about Lavellan. He said no one had seen her in a couple days, that they all figured she just needed a break. The amount of dreams she had been having recently kept her mind distant. Him ignoring her didn’t help either, but he was willing to speak now; she, evidently, was not.

He needed to shake this feeling, needed to distract himself.

Taking out the necessary items to make his least favorite thing in the world, he set to work on making tea.

Maybe he should visit her today? Bring some treats… He shook his head in irritation and cursed, running a hand over his bald head. He should have already called on her what felt like far too long ago, but he didn’t know what to do. Did she need time? Had she even heard the message? Did his confession shut out the world? What had happened to her…?

He was startled from his thoughts as his phone started ringing. It was Dorian. He answered, turning the stove on and watching the vile brew begin to heat and simmer.

“Master Pavus,” he answered curtly, keeping his voice leveled. He leaned back against the counter. “What may I help you with?”

It’s Ellana.”

* * *

“Ready to come out yet?” Krem asked softly, looking over his shoulder at Lavellan. She had moved at last, leaning back into the bath, her head submerged under the water up to the tip of her nose. Her head broke above the surface again and rested carefully back against the edge, her eyes slowly focusing on Krem. She shook her head, the movement barely visible to Krem. Even the water around her face barely rippled. He shut his eyes and turned his head back forward, resting his arms on the edge of the bath as he leaned back. Dorian had informed him earlier Solas was on his way, and that he would be here within the hour. That was almost an hour ago. If they were going to get Lavellan to speak, he needed to get her out of the tub.

As much as it put his mind to rest that Solas might be able to get her out of this funk, it irked him how Lavellan wouldn’t speak to him about this. Would she even speak to Solas? She’d only said a few words to both him and Dorian. What if she wouldn’t speak even to the one man they could think of who might be able to help? He frowned, shaking his head. Of course she would. Solas was the only one who hadn’t made fun of her dreams, had asked her more questions, helped her understand them.

“I’m sorry,” Krem mumbled, turning his head to the side to look back at Lavellan. “If I knew that the dreams were causing this… I—I would have helped. Maker, I’m such a shitty friend,” The room fell silent again as Krem turned back around, but Lavellan’s eyes focused on him.

“It wasn’t… wasn’t the dreams,” her voice was low, her throat still making her voice raspy. Krem turned his head back around, his eyebrows raised.

“Ellana?” Krem turned completely around, tilting his head at her. “What do you mean it—”

Just then, Dorian knocked on the slightly opened door, sticking his head through. He nodded to Krem before walking back out, shutting the door completely. Krem sighed, standing up and getting a towel from the rack.

“Come on, Ellana,” Krem held the towel up, letting Lavellan stand up slowly and wrap it around herself before helping her out of the tub. “Can you get dressed on your own?” Krem looked over her knuckles, frowning at wounds. He had cleaned them, but there was still a chance that they may have gotten infected before they had arrived. He’d have to watch her carefully. When Lavellan didn’t reply, he looked at her eyes, frowning. She was unfocused again, staring past him at the wall with a blank expression. He placed his hands on her shoulders and moved his head down to her level. She didn’t give him an acknowledgement this time. His frown deepened. 

“Ellana?” he whispered, lightly squeezing her shoulders. She rapidly blinked before shaking her head, her eyes refocusing on Krem. 

“Y—Yeah… I got this…” she whispered, Krem lightly squeezing her shoulders again before stepping out, shutting the door behind him. She dressed herself, drying her hair to the best of her abilities, not caring much about tying it back. She couldn’t focus, her muscles aching as she walked around the bathroom, trying to regain her awareness. She hadn’t been like this in years, and she hating this feeling. She had hoped to never find herself in this state again, never sink this low again. She shook her head and took a deep breath. She needed to be strong now. She’d figure out how to deal with Solas later. Right now she needed to focus cleaning herself and her apartment up. She was relieved when she saw Dorian had fixed up her room nicely, or as much as was possible after the havoc she wreaked, anyway. The bloodstains, sadly, was still on the wall; she made a mental note to clean that up herself later. He shouldn’t have had to clean up her mess. She shouldn’t have let herself fall that far down this hole. She stood out of sight in her room, berating herself with what energy she had left, when she heard another voice besides Dorian or Krem speak. It sounded oddly familiar, this voice, but for some reason, she was struggling to place it.

“This was all you could find?”

“Yeah, there is nothing else here that would explain what could have set her off like this again,” Dorian sighed.

Again?”

Krem hummed. “I don’t know if w—”

The room went silent as Lavellan made herself know, clearing her sore throat before going into a coughing fit. 

Bad idea.

The thought struck unbidden as she grimaced, trying to force down the pain and stop the coughing before she could damage her vocal chords any further. Something about that voice was still bothering her, and was concerned that her friends would talk about her like this to anyone else. 

Krem quickly rounded the corner into her room and towards her, handing her a bottle of water. She gulped it down greedily, not caring that some water spilt from her mouth and onto her clothes. She was so thirsty; she couldn’t remember the last time she actually drank something was. Lavellan panted, leaning her shoulder against the doorframe and wiping her lips against the back of her hand. 

“Thank you,” she mumbled as he took the bottle.

“How are you feeling?” Dorian came into sight and also took a step towards them, his eyes sparkling with worry. She was about to open her mouth and try to answer when she noticed another figure following closely behind the usually flamboyant man.

Lavellan’s eyes fell to Solas, and their gazes locked instantly.

Lavellan cringed, seeing the regret and sadness in his eyes. Memories of her dreams flooding back, his face no longer blurred. At the frozen waterfall, he had smiled. On the battlefield, he had cried. In the fortress, he had gazed fondly and watched from afar. They had even danced once…

She felt the rage that had consumed her the past four days start to surface again, her hands balling tightly into fists as she took a step towards Solas.

You,” she hissed his name like a curse, moving through her two friends to stand in front of the man who haunted her dreams. “How dare you come here?”

Da’len,” he raised his hands with a small shake of his head, speaking in their native tongue. “Let us speak privately. This isn’t meant for their ears.” His voice was thick with pent up emotions only she could hear, only she could understand.

She glared up at him, her fingers twitching against her palm. She forced herself to look away, moving back to the door and leaning against the frame.

The last thing I want to do is be with you alone, Harellan.”

She glared down at the ground, retorting in Elvish through clenched teeth. It took all her will not to punch the walls again; she hated feeling this way. She shut her eyes, leaning the side of her head against the doorframe, knowing that the only way this feeling would ever pass would be if they talked. She needed to hear the truth from him. 

She took a deep, steading breath, forcing herself to calm down against the tide of her emotions. The silence was almost deafening by the time she was ready to speak again.

Speaking alone would not be wise,” she finally grumbled, breaking the ice but still feeling the tension in the air. “But – it is needed.”

With a small sigh, she shifted on her feet, offering a slight, but determined nod to her friends behind her.

“Dorian…” she mumbled, looking over her shoulder at her friend.

It took him a moment to register what had happened before nudging Krem’s side. “We’ll go get some food, then. Maker knows when the last time you ate was, Peaches.” Lavellan gave him a small nod before leaning her head back against the door frame.

“Anything specific you want?” Dorian asked, looking over at her.

“Apples… and some peaches, please,” she murmured, shutting her eyes and going over the scenarios in her head of where the conversation with Solas might lead.

“Of course,” he smiled big, grabbing Krem and walking towards the front door. “Fair warning: We’re not just buying you apples and peaches.” Dorian waved to them. The elves stood in silence as the two men made their way out of her apartment. Lavellan breathed in through her mouth, sighing through her nose before turning over in the doorframe and meeting the eyes of the man before her, both dream and nightmare.

She wrapped her arms protectively around herself as Solas stood on the other side of the room, watching her. There was a long silence, not uncomfortable, but not wanted either. They both had questions, but neither could find their voice. Solas’ eyes pleaded with her to say something while her own were trying to stay focus on the world around her. She was physically and mentally exhausted; the anger she had felt was still boiling in her blood. She just wanted to sleep, but right this moment, this was more important. They were alone, and neither wanted to continue on this way. Lavellan spoke, finally, her tone hushed.

“Hi… Solas Fen’Harel.”

His lips tugged into a small smile, still strained with emotion but happy that she was finally acknowledging him, speaking to him.

He took a step towards her. 

“Hello, Ellana Lavellan.” 

First Chapter: Chapter One
Previous Chapter: Chapter Twelve
Next Chapter: Chapter Fourteen

|| AO3 || Tumblr ||

Title: Through Her Eyes
Author: CommanderLavellan (DA) || vanguardshepard-commander (Tumblr) || SooraLavellan (AO3)
Game: Dragon Age (Origins, 2, Inquisition)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to BioWare. I have a %0.0002 claim on Lavellan though... OC’s count for something, right?

Through Her Eyes is a Solavellan (Modern AU || Soul Mate AU) fanfiction. Planned out to be a 30 chapter fic.

Summary: “Soul mate? Significant other, S.O. - whoever they are, as long as they put up with my snoring, we’ll get along perfectly.”
Rating: E
Pairings: 

  1. Solas/Lavellan
  2. Dorian/M!Adaar
  3. Krem/Trevelyan
  4. Sera/F!Adaar
  5. Varric/Cassandra
  6. Cole/Mahariel
  7. M!Hawke/Fenris
  8. F!Hawke/Isabela
  9. Carver/Merrill
  10. Bethany/Sebastian
  11. Alistair/Tabris
  12. Surana/Cullen
  13. Josie/Blackwall

^^^These are all (currently known) pairings^^^

© 2015 - 2024 mothmanaintshit
Comments2
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DragonMystique's avatar
Same. Was away for the weekend and got back today. This Chapter like all the others was great stuff! Here's hoping the talks go well :D