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Through Her Eyes - Chapter Eleven

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Through Her Eyes

Chapter 11

He was still ignoring her; ignoring her calls, texts and even the stupid bribes she sent with her friends. It had been almost a week, but still nothing. Not even a ‘message read’ notification. He was just deleting her texts without reading them, the fucking bastard. Being ignored wasn’t a good feeling; not being able to tell her friends why she was so distant felt even worse. Work was a drag, talking on the phone was exhausting, getting out of bed felt like death — the only good thing left was her dreams. They were constant now. Every night, there was a new place, new laughter, new words, a new Vallaslin, but every night, right before she would see his face, something would wake her up. She felt like this was an omen, her mind guarding her from finding out who she loved, life after life. She noticed he wasn’t always bald, at least. Sometimes, he wore long hair, usually in curls or dreads. The only thing she didn’t like were the dead animal skulls that seemed to come with the hairdo. She preferred him bald to having her finger slip into the eye socket of a long-dead creature.

Lately, her dreams had been changing. Not all were about love. The past four nights, she had been fighting. One night as an archer, another night as a warrior. Last night, she found herself in a castle, nothing like the Fortress she’d dreamt of before. Adorned in a blood soaked dress, crying over Fen’Harel’s dead body. His face was marred beyond recognition — no matter how close she got, his face was torn, bloodied and swollen to the point of making identification a hopeless endeavor. She wondered if she had been the one to kill him, seeing no others lying around, but would she cry over her lover’s dead body if she had done so?

Oh, the questions she had — and the one person who could help her with this was ignoring her!

“Yer actin’ daft,” Sera mumbled drunkenly at the bar, pointing a wobbly finger at her friend. “Wha’evr yer doin’, stahp. I’s sad. Makin’ me sad.” Lavellan waved Sera off, setting down the last clean glass and heading towards the back room.

“I’ll be right back,” she mumbled to Krem as she walked by, letting her hand drift over his shoulder.

“Don’t take too long,” he mumbled back, wirily looking at the packed bar. “I don’t know if I’ll survive tonight.”

“You will. Trevelyan is waiting for you.”

She gave his shoulder a squeeze and walked away, heading out the back door in the lounge to lean against the wall in between the door and the dumpster, her breath forming clouds of moisture in the cold air. She slid down, pulling her phone out of her back pocket before sitting on the freezing cement. She went through her contacts, frowning when all she saw was Solas’ name. She must be going mad. Probably the cold, she hoped as she looked at her call log, scrolling down to when he had called her and sighed. I really am acting daft, she agreed with Sera as she pressed down on Solas’ name. After a few rings it went to voicemail, and Lavellan knew he rejected the call. She leaned her head back against the wall and sighed. She’d leave a voicemail this time.

* * *

“Magister Pavus, I am sure we can come to an agreement.” Solas gritted his teeth, trying his damn best not to lose anymore control with the pompous Magister. Dealing with Dorian’s exuberance was a walk in the park compared to this asshole.

No,” The older man’s tone was steel, his mind set. “I will not help him with anything ever again.” 

“I just need three names, sir,” Solas dug his nails into his scalp, biting his lip painfully. “Three fucking names, Master Pavus. Please, just—” 

No.” 

With that, he hung up. Solas yelled, shoving the office phone off his desk and standing quickly. His shoulders rose and fell with his ragged breathing, his arms shaking as he glared down at his desk. He had just wasted two hours running in circles just to get three fucking names, three measly names that would have benefited both Dorian and Sera, and he blew it. Again. He had called everyone he could that had ties to House Pavus, trying to go around Halward Pavus himself for his own sanity. Dorian warned him of this being a possible outcome. Looking down at his ruined office supplies, he should have listened. There had to be another way to get the names he needed. Maybe Krem’s family could find what he needed. Solas sighed and fell back onto his seat, placing his elbows on his knees while he rubbed his tired face.

The Aclassis weren’t Magister level, or even Laetans level… There was no way they could even be seen with a Magister without tongues wagging. Solas shook his head, falling back into his chair and letting his body go limp as he tried to relax. House Aclassi would not be able to help. He needed to find another way to get those names. Maybe Josephine could call in a few favors for him — he’d be willing to even call Leliana at this point. Now he understood why humans, dwarves and elves were so rarely paired with Qunari. The Qun disregards The Search and it’s purpose whole heartedly – the only thing him and the Qunari seem to agree on. Though Tal-Vashoth appear on the registry, even then some still are stuck to the ideals of the Qun and ignore The Search all together, they still are hidden around Thedas – many still blamed for the almost war with the Wardens centuries ago. He shook his head and scrunched his nose up, unwilling to think of this further. He just wanted to sleep. Would whatever gods were left care enough of his well being to grant him at least that?

His ringtone sounded from his pocket, pulling him from his thoughts. Her ringtone, specifically. The soft melody of violins and flutes sounded throughout the silent office. At least the ringtone is relaxing, he thought bitterly as he pulled his phone from his pocket and rejected the call. He groaned, forcing himself to stand and walk out of his office door, shoving the cell in his back pocket as he traversed the mess on the ground. He moved methodically around every window and door, double checking the locks and setting the alarm before he retreated to his room. The notification sound went off in his back pocket as he shut the door behind him. He raised an eyebrow as he pulled out his phone, seeing one new voicemail. She never left voicemails. He set the phone down and placed it on speaker as he shed his clothing.

New message at Twelve Fifty-Three am: 

 “If you choose to listen to this message, thank you, if not… honestly, whatever, I just need to talk about my dreams. You aren’t answering your texts, are rejecting my calls, fine – but you’re the only person who knows about this shit, Solas.” She sounded like she was shivering – was she out in the cold? Solas frowned as he pulled his shirt off, his eyes trailing over to the phone as the voicemail continued. “I need you right now. I’m about to see him, Solas. I’ve learned so much about Fen’Harel and my past lives! I—It’s maddening, keeping is all in a stupid journal and not being able to gush over it!

Her breathless laughter rang through his ears and he groaned, letting his head fall forward as he painfully continued to listen.

He wears this magnificent gold armor; it has faces on the knee caps! It’s so funny! What is extremely strange though is that he’s wearing animal skulls in his hair; and that’s only when he has hair. I’ve imagined my fingers getting tangled and touching the skulls and just, ew…” He chuckled as Lavellan made a disgusted sound – he could hear her footsteps echo around her.

The next sentence caught him off guard and made the laughter catch in his throat. 

I prefer him bald.”

His laughter died completely and he watched his phone, narrowing his eyes as he continued to listen. It was some time before she breathed, “I miss you, Solas.” 

He shut his eyes and walked over to the phone, about to stop the voicemail but —

I… I think of you too much — more than should be allowed of me. Here you are, looking for my soul mate and all I want…is you. I’m sorry, about everything. I’m sorry if me hanging up while you were trying to—” she sighed. “I wasn’t rejecting you, Solas. You were drunk or high or whatever too much Nyquil does to people. I just wanted you with a clear mind. I didn’t want you to regret whatever you were going to say and by how silent you’ve been… I am assuming that you do in fact regret it. It’s fine if you do. We aren’t soul mates, so — it’s fine. Really. I don’t want to lose you, Solas, even if it does mean remaining friends.”

He could picture the pained expression on her face as she lied to herself, tried to convince herself that she was okay with being just friends. If she only knew…

Ellana!” Krem’s voice sounded in the background, loud enough to be nearby. She must be working. “It’s been almost ten minutes! Come on!”

He couldn’t help but silently laugh.

I—I gotta go, hahren. I — just let me know, okay? If we’re cool — if you want to be professional, I understand. I do want to talk about my dreams with you, when you have the chance… I’ve been having them every night and—”

Ellana!” Krem’s voice sounded again.

S—Sorry!” Lavellan quickly apologized. He heard a loud bang and a lock turn before she spoke again. “I hope to hear from you soon. On nydha, hahren… I miss our scientific questions.”

With that, the message ended and the room fell silent. He sat onto the bed next to his phone and picked it up.

To delete this message: press five. To save it in the archives: press seven.”

His thumb hesitantly hung over the dial pad. He would be sealing his fate by pressing seven. He pressed down.

Message saved for eight days.”

He shut off the voicemail before the machine continued speaking, falling back onto the bed and laying his phone on his chest.

Her voice was still fresh in his mind as he lay there. He imagined her bubbly laugh, her eyes creasing at the edges when she allowed the laughter to take her, the freckles framing her face, stretching as she grinned. But he had soured her beautiful expression, had made her think he didn’t care for her. That smile turning down, her breath shaking as she tried not to cry, waving off the feelings she had for him because he was embarrassed — because he had lost control and called her whilst under the influence. On Nyquil of all things. A stupid mistake. He could have avoided this.

He hurt her. Creators, he hurt her. Solas called Lavellan instantly, wiping away his own stray tears and cursing himself. He was such a fool. Why couldn’t he have just admitted everything since the beginning? Why did he always make things so difficult? It went to voicemail after a few moments; he assumed Lavellan was busy with work, considering how Krem had been yelling in the background.

“Ellana, I…” he sighed, grinding the heel of his palm into his eye, trying desperately to stop the tears. His voice was low, weak. He sounded like a wounded dog, running with its tail between its legs. He faltered. “I am Fen’Harel.”

First Chapter: Chapter One
Previous Chapter: Chapter Ten
Next Chapter: Chapter Twelve

|| AO3 || Tumblr ||

Title: Through Her Eyes
Author: CommanderLavellan (DA) || vanguardshepard-commander (Tumblr) || SooraLavellan (AO3)
Game: Dragon Age (Origins, 2, Inquisition)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to BioWare. I have a %0.0002 claim on Lavellan though... OC’s count for something, right?

Through Her Eyes is a Solavellan (Modern AU || Soul Mate AU) fanfiction. Planned out to be a 30 chapter fic.

Summary: “Soul mate? Significant other, S.O. - whoever they are, as long as they put up with my snoring, we’ll get along perfectly.”
Rating: E
Pairings: 

  1. Solas/Lavellan
  2. Dorian/M!Adaar
  3. Krem/Trevelyan
  4. Sera/F!Adaar
  5. Varric/Cassandra
  6. Cole/Mahariel
  7. M!Hawke/Fenris
  8. F!Hawke/Isabela
  9. Carver/Merrill
  10. Bethany/Sebastian
  11. Alistair/Tabris
  12. Surana/Cullen
  13. Josie/Blackwall

^^^These are all (currently known) pairings^^^

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